I had my 6 monthsary at the company yesterday. But as I expected, it turned out to be a non-event. In fact, I don't think they would remember it if I didn't treat my colleagues with chocolate. As sad as that sounds, I almost expected it. I don't think my performance have improved and it probably even dipped these past few months. I'm not surprised if they're not yet considering me for regularization. I am not proud of that but it couldn't be worse than all the beating I've been taking emotionally and mentally.
Work has been really challenging and testing me to my limits. I don't want to blame my superiors but I can't lie and tell that it hasn't crossed my mind. Sometimes I just want to give up but I'm not yet ready to get back to being a bum.
I was never that confident about my skills and talent and changes in the office workflow have been making me question my capabilities and whether I'm really cut out for this industry. I've never felt so degraded during my stay.
My rapport with my fellow colleagues has also been bothering me. I love them and I do think they're the best bunch of people I have worked with ever since I graduated but I hate myself for being too attached to people and for letting myself get fooled around by my emotions. I need to just step back from everyone and spend some time to know myself better. I sometimes feel used and unappreciated despite all my attempts to help out. I know my pride is high but a simple thank you for my efforts is enough. I just want to pull through and get through whatever this is I'm going through.
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