It's quite hard to make this entry when one of my biggest dreams in life got crushed. But this is a way of letting go so let me share what happened.

Last Saturday, Philippine Airlines had a recruitment day held at the Diamond Hotel in Roxas Boulevard. It was supposed to be for one day only but got extended for another day. I still went there on Saturday since I anticipated there will be more applicants on Sunday.

I have never been to the hotel so I just got directions from the net. It didn't help that I woke up a little late but I was still able to leave the house by 6:30am. Fortunately, I found the hotel and arrived there by 7:30am. Registration starts at 8am and ends at 10am. By the time I arrived, there was already a very lengthy line and I was already lucky that the end of the line was somewhere at the back side of the hotel. By the time the registration began and they let people in, the line reached all the way to Roxas Boulevard and since they couldn't be accommodated anymore, they were sent home. I''m so thankful I got in.

We were first sent into the ballroom area and divided into several lanes. Each lane is sent to the actual ballroom until it's full. While waiting outside, a lot of people were already having a chat and I can hear a lot expressing their worries and concerns and that didn't help me avoid being nervous. When our line were sent in, things went quite fast.There were two people checking the resumes and sent to the 2nd floor one by one.

We were given numbers for easier identification and were made to fall in line again as we proceed to the first step which is the documentary verification. While in line, we had to fill out a small form that also indicates the procedures of the entire recruitment and they were also showing an AVP of the new flights and services that PAL will offer.

Unfortunately, by the time I was going to be called, they announced that it was already time for lunch break so we had to return after an hour and a half. Since we had our assigned numbers and we already have our seats and familiarized our seatmates, it was alright to leave without worrying of forming a new line. 

I had my lunch in Jollibee at Robinson's Manila which was near the area. I had my lunch quick and returned to the hotel to freshen up and avoid being late.

By the time it resumed, I got to the 1st step immediately. They just checked our resume and verified the info and I was told that I passed the 1st step. 

The next step was the 1st screening and I thought that was where we were going to have our impact interview. I researched online what it is and it is basically where I have to introduce myself and say anything I want to say. We were taken to another room and they took 5 per batch. In my batch, we were 5 boys and 1 girl. There are 2 booths where the screening is done.  I was expecting a panel but it was just one lady who collected our resumes while we stand in front of her.

We were asked to recite our name,age and height one by one. We were asked to turn around before being asked to proceed outside and wait for the results.

I was the first one called and I was greeted by bad news that I was rejected. 

I felt so humiliated after that so I tried to leave as soon as possible. I can't be discreet since I had to walk down the huge stairway where everyone can see who got rejected.

I saw a couple of people downstairs but not as many as I thought and I just felt so depressed.

This was my chance and I blew it. They said I could try again in 6 months but I'm not sure if anything's gonna change especially if I got rejected because of my looks.

The worst part is that I didn't even reach the final step. The next 3 steps after the 1st screening was the initial medical, photo ops and the 2nd screening/executive interview. I did not exactly expect to pass the recruitment smoothly but I expected that if ever I got rejected, it was because of my answers in an interview and not because of my physical appearance. I know I'm not model material but I never thought I would look so gruesome and unattractive. They pounced on my confidence and my low self-esteem so quickly. I didn't even get the chance to defend myself and prove that I can handle the job.

When I got home, I found out from one applicant who posted in an online forum that due to the huge amount of applicants, they chose guys who were only 5'8 or above even though the qualifications were asking for at least 5'6. I doubt I would grow 2 more inches by 6 months.

After finding out the news, my mom actually found out that only 13 passed and 28 were conditional during that day. I don't know if I should feel good that I'm not the only one grieving or to feel bad that I wasn't part of them. But either way, I am still trying to move on and accept my fate. I'm just praying that when the right time comes, I will be given the chance to fly the flag, as they say.